Image is one of the most important things when it comes to success in dating and relationships. Isn’t it time for you to put the same techniques Madison Avenue has used for years to get people to purchase useless pieces of plastic to work for you and your imagine? When we focus on the packaging, the product will shine. (That would be you Commander Clever.)

Whether you read Cargo, Cosmo, or Conde Nast- image is marketed everywhere. On a daily basis, you are assaulted by advertisements starring sexy models in the latest fashions, primped more than a show poodle at the kennel club. While I won’t be guest starring on “Queer Eye” anytime soon, I’d be happy to share with you some simple tips for improving your image for free.

You can create the most spectacular self image ever, without a lot of work or effort. Now, if any of these suggestions appear obvious at first glace, then please print this out and post in on your refrigerator.

While “don’t be a stubborn” isn’t on the list, everyone will agree that doing all of these things everyday requires both discipline and practice. If you are above learning new things, then stop reading and go back to being “super cool”

10 Fresh Tips for Improving Your Image

1. Spread the smile. As Confucius said, a smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it. This catchy phrase applies to bosses, potential mates, and even your landlady. A smile is the cheapest and easiest thing you can wear, and is easy to use. Please, don’t grin like some escaped baboon, rather think about something that makes you genuinely happy, like tax incentives for breast implants.

2. Don’t create a new style. Unless your last name is Klein or Hilfiger, for our sake, please don’t try to create something new. When it comes to fashion, don’t chance it. Go to the mall, walk into Banana Republic or one of its generic equivalents, and pick up an outfit. If you are truly fashion illiterate, buy an entire mannequin. Wear your new threads with pride, because what you do with that thing on your own time is your business.

3. Two words- Be Social. In all likelihood, you have friends, and may even venture away from your computer and into the real world on a semi regular basis. (Buying new 20 sided dice for your Dungeons and Dragons game doesn’t count.) A fundamental rule of human interaction is “like attracts like.” So if your dream girl is a level 28 Warlock, then by all means bust out some nerdy Elf magic on that ass. Seriously though, your friends are a reflection of yourself, so choose them wisely.

4. Match your belt with your shoes. Frankly, black shoes and a brown belt mix like Jesse Jackson at a KKK rally. Once you decide on one or the other, stick to it like a tongue to a flagpole on a cool winter morning. That may be well and good if you like pain or paramedics, but I’d like to hope you follow directions. Final thought here- shoes make the man, and will get you the woman. Have you ever seen how many pairs of shoes a woman owns? Take a hint and toss your discount store digs for a quality pair that will last you longer than a trip to the parking lot.

5. Clean your apartment. How you present your personal space speaks volumes about who you are. Cleaning is easy to do, and easy not to do. If you find out you are entertaining guests (throwing a barbeque or frat party), take a few minutes or even hours to straighten the place up. I’m not saying you should hire a housekeeper, but simple things like making the bed, getting your eight week old dishes out of the sink, and detoxifying the toilet are all amazing ideas.

6. Go easy on the super scents. Smell is the most powerful component of memory, and how you choose to represent your primal aroma is paramount to getting you and your new image remembered. You don’t need to go purchase the latest designer fragrance, but spread what you have around to the right areas. Apply mainly to your “hot zones”, vis a' vie the places you normally sweat. Oh- If you really want to leave a lasting impression, dab some behind your ears, where you are most likely to be scented in close conversation. Remember, splash, don’t bathe.

7. Grab a bucket and wash your car. Ferrari, Mercedes, Hyundai… Your ride is just an extension of your personality. Attracive members of the opposite sex aren’t expecting all of you to be playboys with amazing cars, but they do expect you to at least keep things clean. For the lazy, before a date or evening on the town, roll into the carwash. You never know what “companion” you might pick up, or who you could end up driving home.

8. Enjoy the Sound of Music. Some people claim that the type of music you listen to has some deep psychological meaning. Personally, I think music serves as the soundtrack for our lives, and is paramount in building a comfortable atmosphere and complete and cultured image. In your car, stick to Top 40, unless you are on your way to a Tim McGraw country freedom festival. Also, make music a part of your image by hanging out at places that indulge your taste in tunes. Jazz clubs, salsa dancing, and reagae night are all good choices if you are into that sort of thing. When I plan an evening of booty shaking, I like being the only white guy on the dance floor during hip-hop night.

9. Lube Up, but not in a sexual way. No one likes the image of a starving and crusty desert dweller, so get yourself some lotion and chapstick. Carmex is a great choice for the discerning gentlemen, as opposed to stealing your woman’s watermelon lip gloss. Also, everyone ought to use an unscented lotion for the hands and feet, and even men should use a daily facial lotion. Besides not getting skin cancer, it will balance out the natural oils in your face, and keep that “just boned glow” look year round.

10. Flattering Fingernails. This one comes to you direct from Dan’s Mom. While you don’t need the full on manicure with French tips, keeping your digits neatly groomed and free from grime is essential. If you’ve got some kind of nasty cuticle funk going on, apply some lotion before bed every night, and stop juggling chainsaws you freak!

It brings a tear to my eye to think of you all after reading this guide- with pleasant cologne, pop music blasting, driving home in your shiny Toyota to your 500 square foot apartment dressed in the latest fashions from the Mall.

If you would like personal advice on your image in a social situation, send me an e-mail and I’ll hook you up with even more tasty tidbits of fashion and grooming.

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